so

here I sit making little sandwiches of sorts with my bag of peanuts and raisins... half peanut on bottom, raisin in the middle and other half peanut on top... I think I will soon need to be committed.

work is slowly trickling in.

it's a deluge going on at home as things between peeps in the flat are boiling over. I do not want to be in the middle. I'm shutting down. I just can not cope. I don't want to feel this way. I want to live in peace. I am simply dreading going home tonight.

There was a terrible commotion on this bus I was on this morning... not sure what it was but it involved the bus being crowded and the driver shutting the door too quickly and what I can only imagine someone getting something caught in the door while the driver abruptly pulled away... there was shouting and screaming and fierce angry words launched from people to the driver and visa versa. My mind froze, my ears started ringing... I felt as if my whole body was just shutting down. It was only 1 minute down the road until we got to my stop. The doors opened and I floated onto the concrete. I was in shock. I just couldn't handle what had just happened. Ears ringing body still numb I arrived at work... to the impending flat spat.

Here I sit. still numb... hoping the little nuts and raisins settle my nerves...

hello new year... this is me.